Here we are again with the jingle bells just around the corner, mulled wine on the hob and the mystery of how to wrap that weird shaped prezzie knowing that the sellotape is going to get tangled up and stick to itself! Added to that the frantic Christmas shopping and conundrum of what to buy ‘difficult’ people. Hopefully I can help you with the last bit with a few delightful tips. Here we go.. Have fun!

THE CHEEKY AND CHEERY CHRISTMAS LIST

I know it’s a blindingly obvious solution, but this is a list with a difference. Which requires silliness, creativity and permission to dream. You simply think of all the things you want or need. No matter how big, small or audacious it seems. Often we then realise we don’t know what we want and this is where the silliness comes in. In this list you can put whatever you want. Be as extravagant and ridiculous as you like. Even if you know there’s next to zero chance of getting it. You can put a space ship on there if you feel like it. Add mundane things too. Then everything inbetween and get greedy! Remember you probably won’t get most of it so you can afford to be cheeky.

I did this with a counselling couple a number of years ago, who struggled to ask each other for what they wanted due to feeling awkward. Interestingly this manifested in other areas of their relationship, so our fun list was a great start to free up asking for their needs and wants to be met.

This was the woman’s wish list; Month long trip to Thailand, flat screen TV, iPad, charm bracelet, charms for her other bracelet, face cream, perfume, make up (get specific here because nobody wants to buy you the wrong colour, brand or scent), bottle of JD, salt and pepper pots, gloves and nail varnish remover. His was a brand new Audi, top of the range 4x4, holiday to the Caribbean, perfume, jumper, hat, gloves, scarf, gold bracelet, bottle of JD (looks like there’s a theme here), posh coffee, glasses- drinking not spectacles, paper for the printer and some gardening tools. 

The male, being a self confessed grump, was resistant to this idea at first, with an aversion to being silly, but I have my ways of encouraging, people to be inventive and creative in the name of fun and it wasn’t too long before they were giggling at each other’s lists. The female really struggled with asking for what she wanted, but interspersed with the grand and not so grand things, and the realisation that this was actually helping her partner with some present ideas, she came to enjoy it.   Suddenly they were catapulted into the splendour of the Christmas cheer spirit. 

The couple returned to sessions in the New Year having had a joyous Christmas Day. They magically bought each other five gifts each from the list (they hadn’t agreed that, it was a fortunate fluke). There was much laughter and gift swapping over the hours. No exotic hols, expensive cars or digital items were revealed, but there were perfumes, face creams, glasses, salt n pepper pots, hat, scarf and gloves, jumpers, alcohol and a little charm in the mix. It was a year they were both feeling flush, which dovetails beautifully into my next tip.

AGREE AN EXPENSE LIMIT     

We’ve all had that icky not knowing how much to spend dilemma, whether that be on family, friends or valued colleagues, so why not just bring it out into the open? Whilst that might feel awkward initially it gives clarity and everyone can agree on an amount based on their current financial circumstances. I personally have a little girl gang of four going on (including myself) and we do this every year. It always works and we all know where we are. That way you can write your list with your friends or group with that amount in mind. Depending on how many are in a friendship or family group you can ask all members to put their contributions together and choose something more expensive that you wouldn’t ordinarily treat yourself to. Those options could go in your list too. Equally you know you are going to gift presents that your friends have asked for. It can still be a semi surprise as they won’t know which item from their list they’re going to receive. But you will know whichever present you choose to buy will be wanted.

FORGET THE MATERIAL PRESENTS AND SHARE AN EXPERIECE TOGETHER

This could be anything from a delicious tapas meal to a short city break or simply a walk in the country.  Doing stuff together is precious and a great way of sharing the love. Currently known as ‘making memories’ Might sound cheesy but giving time to the people we care about really is the best present.



It doesn’t have to cost anything to share an experience if money is tight. A wrapped up winter walk or a cup of tea with a friend you haven’t seen for a while can be a great tonic for the soul. You can also be smug in the knowledge that you have had a lovely time and it was all free!!  Also it’s a great opportunity to get something nailed down in the diary. How often do we intend to see people but the months go on and we realise we haven’t seen them? Even if time is tight at Christmas you can make your arrangements for January when things can be a little grim and we need something to look forward to until spring appears.

FINALLY… LEARN GIVE FREELY TO RECEIVE GRACIOUSLY  

Here’s a little snippet about life that I have learnt to love over the years. People can be really kind to each other. I think it’s important to remember this when the news is grim and we’re all wincing at the cost of living crisis. I have known many people agree to not buy each other anything because one person feels more of a financial lack than the other and that’s all ok. Only to find they still receive a gift on Christmas Day from the person who is financially able to do so. We love to give presents because we know how happy the other person will feel, regardless of what we receive in return.  Some would argue that this could make the recipient feel awkward and further impoverished.  But it could also reassure the person they are worthy of somebody’s love and generosity just for being them without having to give a damn thing back. If this applies to you I invite you to just let that in.   If it makes you feel uncomfortable you might want to explore the art of receiving. But that’s a whole other blog. Enjoy!

Wishing You a Fun and Merry Christmas

Kim x